My dad Loved .38 special! So, therefore- so do I! ;]

My daddy-o. 14 years ago on June 26th. MISS YOU. LOVE YOU. <333

Today I am venting in a way, just be warned. If you don’t want to hear heaps of complaining, crying to myself & some rage…. run while you can!

I have been doing a lot of  thinking lately. First; Memorial Day, Second; Fathers Day, Third; The 14 year “anniversary” of my Dad passing away. I never talk about my Dad because the pain he left behind with me is too dense for most to understand. I was just a little girl at 7 years old- but I will forever have a void in my life that no one can ever fill. Here is my spill on my dad. Things that I have been thinking about, & things I wish I could remember.

On June 26th 1997 Lawrence Kim Johnson made the choice to  take his own life. He decided to return to heaven as he suffered with ENDLESS pain & deeper darker hurt than any of us could even comprehend. He suffered through countless surgeries which would prove to hurt him more than to help him.

My dad (So I hear) was such an amazing man. He invested all of his time, energy & happiness in others. People say that you would never know how much pain he was in when you were around him, because he had the amazing ability to mask his hurt to love others to make them smile & he could make you laugh no matter what kind of mood or situation you were in that day. He was very funny & had the best story telling skills around! He was a jack of all trades. He loved to hunt, fish, camp, four-wheel, three-wheel, dirt bike, he could drive a trailer like nobody’s business, fix things around the house, build things, provide for a family although he was in so much pain. He loved his wife & his “little sweetheart” with all of his BIG heart, everyone says you could just tell when he was around us how much he truly loved us.

My dad was a big man, but he had to be to house his BIG heart. I wish every single day of my life that I could have his warm embrace again. I would kill for it. I would do anything just to be able to go back in time & at least say “I LOVE YOU” one last time. LAWRENCE KIM JOHNSON, I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU FOR THE EXAMPLE YOU HAVE SET IN STONE IN MY LIFE. THANK YOU FOR BEING MY GUARDIAN ANGEL & ALWAYS LOOKING OUT FOR ME. THANK YOU FOR GUIDING ME IN CHADS DIRECTION, YOU GAVE ME LIFE & I NOW LIVE MY LIFE IT FOR HIM. HE IS MY MEANING TO THIS WORLD, MY SHOULDERS TO CRY ON, MY EARS TO TALK OFF, MY HEART & SOUL, MY BEST FRIEND. 

I wish I could hear his laughter, I wish I could hold him in my arms, I wish I could tell him all of my deep dark secrets, I wish I could remember his voice, his embrace, his laughter, I wish I could have my JOHNSON family back. I wish I could take back the hurt we were all caused & re-unite as a family so that I could be surrounded with the people that he loved the most. I am trying AS HARD AS I CAN to mend the space that has grown between all of them & myself. I do remember though that his hands smelt like natural gas from work all of the time, I remember that when he ate powdered sugar doughnuts (the white ones) he would pretend to choke & it would always make me laugh. I remember sitting on his chest as a child & playing his belly like it was a drum ;] 

Things in this life happen for a reason, I know that. Like I have said before I would kill just to have him in my life again- however I do know that in this life we aren’t given trials that we can’t handle. Only ones that heavenly father knows we can handle. We are given these trials so we can learn to embrace them & make us stronger. I know that if my dad wouldn’t have committed suicide I would care a lot less about the people & relationships in my life. I have personally experienced how paper thin life is & that you should NEVER take people/ situations/ things for granted. So I couldn’t be more grateful for the lessons I have learned through this whole process. 

I could go on & on & on… but I’ll spare you the novel it would take to surface all of my feelings. I basically wanted to say I am sorry if I was the “weird kid” in school, if I am in the “hit & miss” friend, if I am the one you feel “sorry” for. I don’t want any of that. I am sorry if I have ever rubbed you the wrong way- & if I ever hurt you in anyway. I am not that girl. This whole thing has made me always want to keep everyone at an arms length away, to save myself the hurt if anything were to happen between us. I just want you all to know that I am trying to be diligent in my efforts to LOVE endlessly, LET GO of past feelings & live life for the NOW not the PAST. 

Thank you for listening! I hope you all have an excellent 4th of July weekend!

Well, the title pretty much describes it! I really, REALLY am the worlds worst blogger! I have so much going on in my life, I honestly have no time to blog about it! 

First things first- I have my first niece ever! She was born April 27th, 7lbs 7oz 21.5 inches long! Her name is the cutest name EVER! Frankee Lou, I love it! She has her moms olive skin & big heart-melting eyes! She is calm like her brother & only cries when you wake her up, when she’s hungry, or of course, when she needs her bum changed! I am a very proud auntie! [: P.S Chad is going to be the BEST daddy ever- Seriously. Melts my heart to see him with Frankee & all of our nephews! YAY!

Secondly- My “business” is off to a good kick, I am currently working on 3 different sets of my letters for people! I love it! Its so much fun- I feel like I should be the one paying them to let me do it, I love it so much! So, if you want/ know someone who wants some cute letters for their house, or magnet boards, tell them about me! I am having a summer sale too! WooHoo! I love it! I am also taking up crocheting- no promises yet, but I am definitely going to try it & see how it goes from there!

These are the letters I did for Frankee, This isn’t quite finished, but you get the gist of it! Super cute! I love it! 

Thirdly- Still working at the A.F hospital- I still LOVE it, I am on the night schedule again (6 pm- 6 am) which is NOT my favorite, especially sense I have 3 nights a week I don’t get to sleep with my cute hubby, which is the hardest part! But I am on a good schedule now where I am not a zombie 24/7 so that’s a plus [; Starting late August I will be in full time school too- Provo College PTA program, which is going to be hard getting no sleep & heading strait to school all day, 2 hours of sleep & back to work again! So, needless to say- I am seriously enjoying the free time right now! 

Chad is still simply the most amazing man I have ever met! He continues to put up with me, listen to me whine, and EVEN pretend he likes my cooking/baking! He surprised me with a dozen roses & the sweetest card for memorials day (Which I had a VERY VERY VERY hard time with this year…) Then he surprised me with a Kitchen Aid (a red one, which is the one I have always wanted!!!) the other day, it just came in the mail! So now he REALLY has to learn to put up with my cooking sense I use that thing with every single chance I get LOL! 

Well, that’s all for now- until next year when I get time to post again! hahah Love you all. Stay true to you <3333

I’ve got the world on a string sittin on a rainbow, got the sting around my finger, what a world- maaan this is the life- hey now, i’m sooo in loooooooooove! :)

The song that makes my heart smile today; Gotta love Ella Fitzgerald :)

I love my hubs! <3 <3 <3

Sense we all know that I am OBVIOUSLY the BEST blogger around…. well, I am going to update my blog for the first time in a month! ;)

There have been some changes in the Meyer household! 

Firstly: We finally got our own apartment in Pleasant Grove! We love it! We feel like newly weds again! We can walk around naked all day! (ok, ok… not all day- but the good majority! LOL!) We seriously love it! I can’t wait til we graduate school & are able to have our own house…but for now- we are content and couldn’t ask for more! 

Secondly: I got a new job at American Fork Hospital! I work nights (urgg) on the Mom/Baby unit! I LOVE IT!!! It was bittersweet leaving UVRMC, however this is where I need to be. I can’t express to you how wonderful it is- the biggest blowout I have had is the size of a baseball, and it was a cute lil bum that made the mess! How could I complain?? :) I love that I am so blessed to work at a hospital where we have great medical benefits & I am also grateful that I have such a secure job! 

Thirdly: We are so excited to announce to everyone we are PREGGS!! We seriously couldn’t be more excited! Chad is set on it being a boy, however I just have a feeling its going to be a girl!….. HAHAHHAHAHAH  JUST KIDDINGGGGG!!!!!!! But seriously the worst part of being married is that every single time I say that I am hungry, full, craving something, emotional, retaining water, have bad news, have good news…. so on & so forth people assume we are having a baby- PEOPLE, we wont be having kids for a while, just to warn you! LOL! 

Love you all, & Wish you all a wonderful Easter season! P.S We have been engaged one year this Easter!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

I think this is try # 3 on blogging? I am not promising anything, however I am going to TRY! Sense I am not in school this semester I should have more time to update the blog! So, here it goes! :]

I am trying to focus on being positive in life, instead of being debbie downer! LOL, so let me tell you about the 3 things I am especially grateful for this week! 

1: Chad

Chad puts up with me every single day & night. He lets me talk his ear off, he is a shoulder for me to cry on & my best friend, someone that I can confide in & trust. I am so grateful for him, & his positive attitude in life. He is currently working on getting the residential side of the Riverton Sprinkler Supply moved around and looking good for the summer, which is proving to be quite the challenge. He is going to school full time, working on his Construction Management degree. The most amazing part is, he is still calm & happy all the time, & somehow still manages to find time to hangout with me, make me laugh, & be my best friend. <3

2: Work

As much as I complain about working 12 hour shifts, I actually really enjoy my job. I love my co-workers & the patients on the 4th floor. It is so nice to have a reliable job during this hard time. I am grateful that I am also able to pick up shifts, so that I can have more money on my paychecks sense I am not in school right at the moment. I love that my husband also has a reliable job that provides us with the opportunity to move out in a month & get a place of our own! (finally!)

3: Family

This is obvious, but let me just elaborate a little. I am grateful for my Mom, step dad, step sisters & their husbands. I am also grateful for my wonderful in-laws!  But MOSTLY I am grateful for our 4 adorable nephews Treyven, Keltic, Koven & Rekker! They brighten our day every single time that we see them. They are always here to provide us a good smile. I love that my family is always here for us, & within a reasonable distance if ever we are in need! Thanks guys for all that you do!

I hope you all have a wonderful Monday! Think of the things that you are most grateful for, instead of the things you wish you had. Its all about the simple things in life! Stay true to you! <3